Tails’ Blography

Today is Sunday and, of course, I’m recuperating from another OC LAN weekend (link best viewed in Firefox). This LAN was a fairly small one (probably around 200 +-450 people over the whole weekend), as I believe there are quite a few religious holidays, as well as the LAN being rather soon to the previous one.

One thing that did happen that was out of the ordinary was the Drug Bust. Yup, someone, or three, were arrested for drug possession (R500-R600 worth of weed) and some other drug paraphernalia. Now I wondered if I’d be moaned at for blogging about it, but quite frankly, I think people should know. At least it shows there is little to no tolerance of drugs, which makes the event a safer environment…’cos let’s face it, a lot of kiddies attend OC. And they should be kept safe. I dont think a drug bust is bad publicity, after all, where there are kids, there will be drugs. It would be silly to expect otherwise, however sad that sounds. They should know it’s just not tolerated.

Anyway, so a few kids (read: three) were arrested, and the LAN continued unintterupted. I was a bit miffed about the girls’ bathroom being moved so far away (it’s now literally all the way across the dome from where I sit, up some stairs, through a winding passage and voila. I dont know, maybe I’m the only one who gets so miffed about it, but yeah, walking through that passageway alone really makes me feel unsafe. I dont think anyone would hear if I screamed if I were attacked. It just gives me the shivers…

So, of course, as I said in my last post, I was getting a Canon 24-70mm 2.8 L lens to play with at the LAN. And oh boy, I’m IN LOVE with this lens. Aside from the speed and quietness of the focussing, no postprocessing sharpening needed on the photos I took at all! They’re already tack sharp (when my shakey hands dont ruin it haha). Gosh, I love this lens! Though I do wish it had image stablization on it. Then it would be perfect! I pushed my camera a bit this LAN by pumping the ISO to 1250 for most of the indoor photos. The grain is noticable, but I dont think it necessarily ruins the photos. In some cases it gives it more feeling. Well, of course thats just my opinion. I could be biased *wink*.

So, without further delay: photos!

Just after we finished setting up

Tis like a ‘bull’ in a china…err OC LAN

Muh Windows logon!

A sleepy lanner

A random view of the LAN

Sweets!

A photo of me taken by my bestest friend

A very sleepy lanner who unwittingly provided some entertainment for us photographers…hope he was ok though…

An artistic shot whilst outside on a “cigerette break” with friends

A view over the LAN

mmmm coffee

I’m shooting a wedding at the end of the month at Lourensford Wine Estate so the bf and I went to check out photo locations so I can be better prepared on the day. When we got there, much to my delight, we were informed there was some polo practice happening so we stopped by to watch for a bit after taking a slow drive up the long road looking for shooting spots.

The polo practice was very interesting. The horses and riders would line up in groups of four, and there would be four planks stuck in to the ground a few metres away. The horses would then gallop, the rider would lean down and spike the plank with their spear-like stick, swinging their arm backwards as the horse galloped past. The speed they went at was admirable…especially as they leaned down right over the horses shoulder!

There were another two riders on the far side of the field practicing something more complicated. The rider would move off, jump a small jump while popping a balloon, and then gallop with his spear in the air parallel to the floor. The spear wouldnt move and his aim was dead-on as he speared a few loops, and then he went on to lean down and spear a plank like others (keeping the loops on the spear!). Then he’d turn around and make his way back (all at quite a speed!), stabbing his spear into a hanging cushion. There was more that he did, but rethinking it I’m lost as to where it all fitted in haha. I couldnt get photos as he was too far away and I didnt want to trample across the field and potentially get run over by galloping polo players haha. It would be rude of me!

After watching for a bit longer, we walked around the large estate and eventually made our way back to the car where we then drove up to the winery itself. Since the wedding is Muslim, I wont be taking photos that include any wine related subjects/backgounds, so I got my photo fix right then and there! I, of course, asked permission to photograph their wines and displays, and they happily obliged my whims.

After I got a few photos, we sat down for some chocolate tasting (R35ppm, they also have cheese tasting at R55 for a 2 person platter), and I was given a taster glass of wine that they recommended (it was really lovely on its own, but not too great with the chocolate). They set up two tasting boards, which consisted of different chocolates, three own-choice truffles, and two chocolate shot glasses with honey liqueur. We were instructed to eat them in the following order:

White chocolate, milk chocolate, 60% dark, 75% dark, 80% dark, one shot, three truffles, then the last shot. Gosh it was divine!! Especially the Honey Liqueur! They sell bottles of it for R90 or so and they happily brought out a bottle frosted from the freezer for me to photograph…lovely! After finishing the photos and tasting we were offered a private tour of the factory, and got to know a little more about the Estate. All very interesting, but alas I remember little…photography and listening dont go well with me haha. The bf remembered the wine vats contained 44000 litres of wine, however.

And so ended our day in Somerset West. I was happy it was such a gorgeous day…please hold thumbs for great weather on the day of the wedding!!

Photos and captions follow:

Michael posing for me for lighting purposes

Polo practice

The horses were so well schooled!! Sigh!

See the speed!

Even more speed – and look at the leaning!

Some wine product shots

I really like this shot!

A tiny part of the array of choices for truffles

My tasting board (Apple & Cinnamon, Apple Sours, and Spiced Rum truffles…Apple Sours was a dud though :/)

Michael’s tasting board (Chilli, Peppermint, and Cappuccino)

The Honey Liqueur (frosted and unchilled) with the factory in the background

The Honey bottle neck

Inside the factory – a few vats holding Merlot

Those are the vats that hold 44000 litres!

A view from the inside out

On the way to the factory (I took pics on the way back)

Me!

The bf!

Outside the winery

That is such a gorgeous door!

What religion do you follow?

Christianity (60%, 3 Votes)
Atheism (20%, 1 Votes)
Wiccan (20%, 1 Votes)
Buddhism (0%, 0 Votes)
Scientology (0%, 0 Votes)
Taoism (0%, 0 Votes)
Hinduism (0%, 0 Votes)
Judaism (0%, 0 Votes)
Islam (0%, 0 Votes)
Jedi (0%, 0 Votes)

Total Voters: 5

What? No Jedis?? Tsk! Hehe. New poll up….alcohol related…check it out!! And of course, thanks for voting!

Ok, a rather personal post today. If you’re at all closed minded, or grossed out by self mutilation, stop reading now. I made the pictures smaller for those who arent too keen on seeing the damage up close. Click for larger version if you should wish.

I cut. There, I said it. I shant wait for the world to implode because I said it or typed it out loud, so just deal with it. I do. I remember when it started. I can remember my friends reactions. It started in high school, and I started on my hand. Left. From my wrist right up to my second knuckle of my index finger. Why did I do it? It helped.

It helped. Plain and simple. Can I explain it? Probably not in a way that will make others understand, nor accept. And I’m ok with that. But it does. The pain stings, and possibly takes the pain away from what’s really hurting. I’m not entirely sure. A cold calm comes over me and all I can feel is my blood throbbing through my veins, as cliche as that sounds. The pain overwhelms me…actually, I shouldnt call it pain. Its not sore. Much. It aches, but then again, at the time of cutting, so does my heart. So which is worse? A pain I can control and manage, or a pain I cant. I prefer the former, ergo I cut.

So in high school, I cut my hand. Lots of millions of little cuts right next to each other. Unfortunately, it drew attention. And yes, I said unfortunately. Do not assume because I cut, that I do it for attention. I dont. Its part of who I am and I refuse to be ashamed anymore. We are out there. You might know someone who cuts, but you just dont realise it. Maybe they’re still ashamed and maybe they hide it more successfully than I ever could.

I had a “friend” in high school, who made my cutting into her own personal drama. She got the school counsellor involved, and the principle, and my parents. She made my life hell. I dont think she looked further than her own self absorption in the drama to realise the more chaos she caused, the more I cut. Ironic at best.

So I went to counselling. It didnt help. At that age, you’re pretty much not considered for patient-counsellor privilege. So of course, the more I said in counselling, the more trouble it would cause and therefore I would cut more. I got better at hiding the cuts. Ok thats not entirely true. I moved on to my forearm. Well, the underside of it. This is where I’ve stayed. It’s comforting somehow. A place to go when I’m in my deepest pain. Sadly, the more I cut, the less I bleed. So I have to cut harder. Deeper. It hurts more, but lately its been a case of the deeper the pain, the deeper I cut.

If you’re interested in how I do it…well it’s different each time. Sometimes it’s slow and methodical. Moreso when I’ve done the wrong to myself and I’m paining because of it. The slower the cutting the more painful it becomes. A long drawn out pain. Other times I’m angry, hurt and frustrated. Then I, for lack of a better word, hack. I bring the blade down repeatedly onto my arm regardless of the consequences. I grimace through the pain. The harder I slash the easier it becomes. This method seems to be easier to deal with. And always a serated blade. Dragging that through the skin is probably the most satisfactory. Watching the skin split beneath the blade. Watching the blood seep out and pool. Once and only once, was it so bad the blood poured down my arm while a deep coloured bruise formed within minutes. I remember the night it happened. I remember everything about it. I dont remember the pain. I dont remember anything but feeling the warmth of the blood running down my arm to my wrist and through my fingers.

Today I cut. I was hurting. I battled with myself. I fought with myself not to do it. That it wasnt worth it. But it always wins out in the end. The pure lure of feeling pain I can control wins out.

Would I recommend it to anyone? Probably not. If you have to have it suggested to you to try as a way of coping, its not right for you. There is another way of dealing that you’ll find.

Will I ever stop? No. I might desist for a time, but I’ll never really stop. It hurts the people around me, I understand this. But why? In essence its helping me. In a way people who havent experienced it cannot imagine. They just see the spilt blood and the scars. They cannot fully comprehend the reasoning behind it. And I dont mind. It’s my way of dealing. It’s my friend.

I’m not sure if you’ll see this. My heart hopes you will. You need not comment. But I had to say, for everything….

Thank you…

So close no matter how far
Couldnt be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I dont just say
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know

So close no matter how far
Couldnt be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know

Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I dont just say
And nothing else matters

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters

Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
And I know

So close no matter how far
Couldnt be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
No nothing else matters

Metallica – Nothing Else Matters