Tails’ Blography

Today we’re offically through into our third week of NaNoWriMo! I’m at 24,168 words and going strong! We met at the River Club for our halfway party, with EvilBelgian, his dad, Magependragon, myself and my bf having breakfast there beforehand.

The breakfast deal is well worth it, at R70, for a self-helping of cold breakfast (cereals, croissants, danishes, etc), and hot serving of eggs, bacon, sauteed potatoes, friend onion rings, fried tomatoes, and sausages. The deal also included a bucket of 50 balls (hiring of a club is R10) which you could then knock off the driving range or you could rather choose to play a 9 hole game instead of the bucket. I had fun taking food pics, but I forgot to take a photo of our hot breakfast…lesigh.

Fruit salad!

Lots of pastries

The buffet itself

The bf whacking it to the moon!

The Hot Food buffet

After eating our fill and putting (in my case) our balls off the second floor of the driving range, we proceeded with the NaNo Half Way Party. Loot in the form of adorable Dinosaur Erasers, which I dubbed Wrimo’Rasers, noise making balloon blowers (gosh these things were noisy!), and other cool things (I got a replacement feather for my one that blew away at the kick off party haha).

After we ate, laughed, drank, laughed some more (that creepy murder music was eery!) we eventually parted ways, with promises to continue on with our novel plight with due diligence.

And for the first time in ages, I lugged my camera with to document the event

Everyone chatting…

An authentic NaNo Sticker

My Wrimo’Raser: Gearz

My “Snack Basket” (there are chips under those spring rolls haha)

Gearz making a break for it!

My best friend, bf, and I went out to the West Coast National Park to see the flowers in bloom. Apparently they’re supposed to be quite something. I say “apparently” because we didnt really see that many flowers hehe.

We packed a picnic basket, packed our cameras (bf used my Sony and 300mm lens), and off we went. We drove all the way there, paid our R33 each to enter the park (thanks, Viia!), drove about 8km only to realise we were low on fuel and probably wouldnt make it around the park and home again. Sigh. So we loaded up Garmin on my cell, shook it like a Magic 8 Ball and asked it where the closest petrol station was. It pointed us in the direction of Yzerfontein, 12km away. Off we went, refilled, and returned anew and with much gusto!

The first critter we came across was a tortoise crossing the road (see image). Of course Viia and I bounded out the car, cameras at the ready, knelt down on either side of the little guy…and grimaced in pain! That gravel was demonic on our knees! Fearing the pain if we moved, we stayed put and made do with the shots we could get (I got the tortoises attention…hehe must have been the gigantic L lens hehe) and eventually he grew bored and wandered off while we painfully got to our feet and returned to the car.

We continued on and saw some Ostrich and ostrich behbehs! They were so cute, but alas, too hidden in the long grass to get a decent photo of. Moving a little further, we thought we saw a flower, but were mistaken, so we continued on, still feeling hopeful.

We came to a beach spot where people were milling about and we got out to take some shots. It was fairly windy there, so we didnt linger, and moved off to find the next stop, which promised to be a picnic spot. When we arrived there, people were setting up their braais in the designated areas (being National Braai Day ‘n all for us) so we scrambled amongst the rocks looking for a sheltered spot, which we found and promptly set up our stuff and had lunch. We milled there for an hour or so, marvelling at the weather that was overcast, yet very warm. If it hadnt been cloudy, we would have melted!

After lunch, making sure to pack up everything and not litter, we stood around taking some more pics and then moved off to continue through the park. We eventually arrived at a summit where we took some shots of (woah!) flowers! and the scenery and each other. We were naughty, though, getting out of the car despite the “Please Remain In Your Vehicle” sign hehe.

Continuing on, the clouds got darker and more threatening, but by some chance of luck, a patch of cloud broke and the sun shone down onto the field of herd animals we were approaching. They were quite close to us, and my 300mm lens worked perfectly, so we stopped and got some shots of the behbeh buck and ostrich. We moved on a little way and found a small area of purple flowers, so of course we bounded out the car yet again and took some shots (we just had to get flower photos before leaving haha). Just as we were about to leave, we stopped off at the last lookout point, and took some shots. This is when it started raining hehe so we got back in the car and made our way home.

The day was super relaxing, and we ended up at Viia’s to have some tea and snuggle her rats. Unfortunately by that time Michael was plagued with a headache, so I ended up driving us home in his car hehe. I always get nervous driving his car…I keep forgetting he has a boot (trunk) since my car is a hatchback…

Maybe next time we’ll see those flowers…

Me with the 24-70mm L beauty

Michael and the Sony

Awesome view from our picnic spot

Flowers, flowers and more flowers

Flowers, flowers and more flowers

Flowers, flowers and more flowers

Flowers, flowers and more flowers

A field of flowers!

The last little bit of sunshine before the clouds took over for good

Today is Sunday and, of course, I’m recuperating from another OC LAN weekend (link best viewed in Firefox). This LAN was a fairly small one (probably around 200 +-450 people over the whole weekend), as I believe there are quite a few religious holidays, as well as the LAN being rather soon to the previous one.

One thing that did happen that was out of the ordinary was the Drug Bust. Yup, someone, or three, were arrested for drug possession (R500-R600 worth of weed) and some other drug paraphernalia. Now I wondered if I’d be moaned at for blogging about it, but quite frankly, I think people should know. At least it shows there is little to no tolerance of drugs, which makes the event a safer environment…’cos let’s face it, a lot of kiddies attend OC. And they should be kept safe. I dont think a drug bust is bad publicity, after all, where there are kids, there will be drugs. It would be silly to expect otherwise, however sad that sounds. They should know it’s just not tolerated.

Anyway, so a few kids (read: three) were arrested, and the LAN continued unintterupted. I was a bit miffed about the girls’ bathroom being moved so far away (it’s now literally all the way across the dome from where I sit, up some stairs, through a winding passage and voila. I dont know, maybe I’m the only one who gets so miffed about it, but yeah, walking through that passageway alone really makes me feel unsafe. I dont think anyone would hear if I screamed if I were attacked. It just gives me the shivers…

So, of course, as I said in my last post, I was getting a Canon 24-70mm 2.8 L lens to play with at the LAN. And oh boy, I’m IN LOVE with this lens. Aside from the speed and quietness of the focussing, no postprocessing sharpening needed on the photos I took at all! They’re already tack sharp (when my shakey hands dont ruin it haha). Gosh, I love this lens! Though I do wish it had image stablization on it. Then it would be perfect! I pushed my camera a bit this LAN by pumping the ISO to 1250 for most of the indoor photos. The grain is noticable, but I dont think it necessarily ruins the photos. In some cases it gives it more feeling. Well, of course thats just my opinion. I could be biased *wink*.

So, without further delay: photos!

Just after we finished setting up

Tis like a ‘bull’ in a china…err OC LAN

Muh Windows logon!

A sleepy lanner

A random view of the LAN

Sweets!

A photo of me taken by my bestest friend

A very sleepy lanner who unwittingly provided some entertainment for us photographers…hope he was ok though…

An artistic shot whilst outside on a “cigerette break” with friends

A view over the LAN

mmmm coffee

Ok, a rather personal post today. If you’re at all closed minded, or grossed out by self mutilation, stop reading now. I made the pictures smaller for those who arent too keen on seeing the damage up close. Click for larger version if you should wish.

I cut. There, I said it. I shant wait for the world to implode because I said it or typed it out loud, so just deal with it. I do. I remember when it started. I can remember my friends reactions. It started in high school, and I started on my hand. Left. From my wrist right up to my second knuckle of my index finger. Why did I do it? It helped.

It helped. Plain and simple. Can I explain it? Probably not in a way that will make others understand, nor accept. And I’m ok with that. But it does. The pain stings, and possibly takes the pain away from what’s really hurting. I’m not entirely sure. A cold calm comes over me and all I can feel is my blood throbbing through my veins, as cliche as that sounds. The pain overwhelms me…actually, I shouldnt call it pain. Its not sore. Much. It aches, but then again, at the time of cutting, so does my heart. So which is worse? A pain I can control and manage, or a pain I cant. I prefer the former, ergo I cut.

So in high school, I cut my hand. Lots of millions of little cuts right next to each other. Unfortunately, it drew attention. And yes, I said unfortunately. Do not assume because I cut, that I do it for attention. I dont. Its part of who I am and I refuse to be ashamed anymore. We are out there. You might know someone who cuts, but you just dont realise it. Maybe they’re still ashamed and maybe they hide it more successfully than I ever could.

I had a “friend” in high school, who made my cutting into her own personal drama. She got the school counsellor involved, and the principle, and my parents. She made my life hell. I dont think she looked further than her own self absorption in the drama to realise the more chaos she caused, the more I cut. Ironic at best.

So I went to counselling. It didnt help. At that age, you’re pretty much not considered for patient-counsellor privilege. So of course, the more I said in counselling, the more trouble it would cause and therefore I would cut more. I got better at hiding the cuts. Ok thats not entirely true. I moved on to my forearm. Well, the underside of it. This is where I’ve stayed. It’s comforting somehow. A place to go when I’m in my deepest pain. Sadly, the more I cut, the less I bleed. So I have to cut harder. Deeper. It hurts more, but lately its been a case of the deeper the pain, the deeper I cut.

If you’re interested in how I do it…well it’s different each time. Sometimes it’s slow and methodical. Moreso when I’ve done the wrong to myself and I’m paining because of it. The slower the cutting the more painful it becomes. A long drawn out pain. Other times I’m angry, hurt and frustrated. Then I, for lack of a better word, hack. I bring the blade down repeatedly onto my arm regardless of the consequences. I grimace through the pain. The harder I slash the easier it becomes. This method seems to be easier to deal with. And always a serated blade. Dragging that through the skin is probably the most satisfactory. Watching the skin split beneath the blade. Watching the blood seep out and pool. Once and only once, was it so bad the blood poured down my arm while a deep coloured bruise formed within minutes. I remember the night it happened. I remember everything about it. I dont remember the pain. I dont remember anything but feeling the warmth of the blood running down my arm to my wrist and through my fingers.

Today I cut. I was hurting. I battled with myself. I fought with myself not to do it. That it wasnt worth it. But it always wins out in the end. The pure lure of feeling pain I can control wins out.

Would I recommend it to anyone? Probably not. If you have to have it suggested to you to try as a way of coping, its not right for you. There is another way of dealing that you’ll find.

Will I ever stop? No. I might desist for a time, but I’ll never really stop. It hurts the people around me, I understand this. But why? In essence its helping me. In a way people who havent experienced it cannot imagine. They just see the spilt blood and the scars. They cannot fully comprehend the reasoning behind it. And I dont mind. It’s my way of dealing. It’s my friend.

This weekend past was another OC (Organised Chaos) LAN. For those who dont know what a LAN is, basically you pay R140 entry, bring your PC along on the Friday evening, connect it to the network, and play games like Call of Duty 4/COD4 (among other things) with (approx 700) other people on the network until Sunday afternoon. Of course, you dont have to stay the entire time, but the die-hards do. By Saturday morning their are tents, pillows, mattresses, and sleeping bags all over the place.

This month, we arrived on Saturday morning, since I was recovering from a sore throat (which subsequently turned into a head cold afterwards…sigh). We set up and got settled in. By this, I mean we plugged in our PCs, had a game or three, then went in search of food in the form of cheese burgers and chips from the local cafeteria.

Normally it gets extremely cold (around 3 degrees celcius) and we freeze our asses off despite jerseys, jackets, sheepskin slippers and a hotwater bottle, so this time we added a sleeping bag to the equation. Wow, what a difference! I’m definately bringing one to every LAN!

After hours and hours of gaming (mainly COD4), swearing, chatting, and laughing, we were paid a visit by a friend who’s never been to OC. Needless to say, after showing him the ropes and letting him have a go on the PC’s, he was hooked, and might bring his own PC next time. Score!

Each month lately they’ve been trying to have a theme, and this month’s theme was Tie July. The person(s) with the best tie(s) could win a 1 terabyte (I think) hard drive each – very worth it! I’ll snag a photo of the two winners from the OC Fan page on Facebook to show you (credit to Sheldon, the OC ‘tog).

I baked gingerbread cookies to take with (I even made one in the shape of a tie, but I didnt need it cos I wasnt there on Friday), and they were a hit! I made O’s and C’s, and offered them to the admin, friends, as well as random people I passed along the way. It was great!

Without further ado, photos! Of course all taken with my new Canon 40D! I’m positively loving the new cam, by the way! It handles noise so much better, it seems to capture light better than my Sony, and its very speedy!

Setting up

Just a look around at what it looks like on a Saturday morning

The OC gingerbread cookies I made

Another look around at our neighbours

A view from where I was sitting during prize giving on Saturday night

They dropped a CRT monitor from the Velodrome ceiling…it went BOOOOOOM!

Everyone goes in for the remains

What was left…

Our friend who came to visit

The bf gaming…

The bf and myself gaming!

My hot man!

The bf, Chris & Ferdie

Winner #1

Winner #2 – I really LOVE this one!