Tails’ Blography

Why are the titles of my posts always the most complicated to think of? I always struggle for a title, although that shouldnt be unusual. I remember reading somewhere once that the title of a book was always the last thing to be decided on.

Hmm. Anyway.

I’m thinking of baking more cookies this weekend. Chocolate cookies, mmm. But I cant decide how I’m going to decorate them. Any thoughts and ideas would be appreciated, nudge nudge. I was thinking Angry Birds, but I need to find a wider array of tips to use to do any details.

Had to delete a bit of this post as I typed this up yesterday (or was it the day before that?) but never got around to finishing it. So where to continue? Fiance bought MW3 and played it all of the night before last, and he seems to like it which is great. I was doing a website for my dad’s friend and its finally finished, along with photos I was editing for the wedding I shot in Oct, so I finally have free time in the evenings again to relax. Its wearing me out working all day and then still having to focus and work in the evenings as well as make dinner etc.

Got home this evening and what did I see? A gardened garden!! Turns out, my mother came in during the day with her gardener and cleaned out our garden so its looking lovely now!!! A little sparce, but nothing really grows in my garden anyway, but its all weed free and trimmed!! And my tomato plant that sprouted itself has been propped up with a twig (taken from the cuttings of the overgrown hedge haha) and there are SO many tomatoes growing!!

(pics taken with my cellphone)

So many full bags!

My tomato plant in the front

So awesome! Of course we’ll reimburse her for the gardener, and I’ll buy her something really nice or give her a voucher to buy herself something of her choice. It was such a lovely surprise to come home to after a long day at work. <3

I really have learnt so much from my mother during my years, and really, without the amazing and strong woman she is, I wouldnt be half the woman I am today. I’m so blessed to have her in my life to guide and love me, no matter what.

Mmm French coffee!

Thought I’d drop by since I havent written in a while. In case you’re wondering, no, I’m not engaged yet. The ring is almost ready (apparently) so I guess its just a waiting game now.

But while I wait, I’m pricing venues and vendors, and so far a lot of childhood envisions of a wedding have been regrettably cut down to size. Wedding guest counts have gone from around 60-70 to around 30-40. Ideas of a fantasmal cake have gone down to individual cupcakes per guest, and 5 attendants per side in the wedding party have gone down to just one or two.

So yes, my ideals have had to be shorn but you know what, thats ok! At the end of the day, I just want to be pronounced husband and wife and anything inbetween is a bonus!

The only two main things I dont want to really compromise on are my wedding dress and photographer. Those, to me, are the most girly parts about a wedding that I dont think deserve to be budgeted.

The food will get eaten, the venue will get cleaned and hired out to another couple, the flowers will wilt, and the party will end, but the photos will last a lifetime and, well, you’re kinda wearing your dress in the photos and you want to look radiant on your wedding day.

So, while I wait, I’m looking for intimate venues…and I’m almost tiring of wedding planning before its even begun!

…be sitting on a palm beach. The sun would be high in the sky, with a few clouds dotted here and there. The sand would be warm and soft between my toes, and I would be listening to the gentle lap lap of the waves breaking on the shore close by.

There would be a small wicker table next to me, adorned with petals of frangipanji and a tall ice cold cocktail, bluer than the ocean. A wedge of pineapple and a cherry would line the sugar-rimmed glass, and inside, a silly-straw. A fresh fruit salad would be waiting, served in a clear glass bowl with a side of rum and raisin ice-cream. The portions of the many fruit would be perfect: not too much of this, and not too little of that.

There would be a gentle breeze blowing. Cool enough to refresh, but warm enough to remain pleasant. Palm fronds would rustle just behind my lounger, and would provide a comfortable and natural shade cover. The lounger would be covered with the softest towel, a light lilac in colour, and all around would be the smell of lavendar and sea.

Aside my chair, wedged slightly in the sand where I’d have put it, would be a book. A book with intrigue and mystery, firey passion, a dash of drama, and a splattering of humour. The kind of book you struggle to put down after getting into it.

I’d be loooking out on an ocean of the clearest blue water imaginable. I’d be able to see the sand through the ripples of water, and if I moved closer, I’d see a few fish darting around. The occasional dolphin or few would play in the waves further out, and there would be a turtle laying eggs in the sand a short way away.

It would be peaceful. So quiet. Very tranquil. Right now, that’s where’d I’d rather be.

I’ve been really lucky in my life to be blessed with some great friends. I’ve also been smited with some pretty nasty ones too but this post isn’t about them.

Life has been tough at times, and the friends who have seen me through those times are some pretty special people. Unfortunately, Fate decided my friendships would be intense, but never everlasting. I look at people who have get togethers with friends all the time, plan stuff together, go away together, and generally just seem to have friends around them constantly…I’ve never been one of those people. There have been times, I’ll admit, that I’ve been envious of the closeness that is shared all around me, but never including me. Maybe I’m seduced by the feeling behind having someone actually care what your thoughts are on something, or what you’ll be doing this weekend. The feeling of being important in someone’s life must be pretty great. I only briefly touched on those feelings a few times in my life, all of them fleetingly. I’ll (try to) summerize.

My best friend through primary school and part of high school moved away to Hermanus after 9 years of friendship. It sounds long, and not at all “fleeting”, but when you’re that young the friendships arent what they are when you’re older and wiser. We met in Sub B (Gr 2) and were firm friends from that year on. We share some some pretty great memories and she’s still a very near and dear friend, though we dont speak as much. She’s now married, in Knysna, and blessed with two beautiful kids.

The next major friend of mine was through high school. She came to SA from the UK and promptly filled my life with her pommy-goodness. We met in Std 6 (Gr 8/first year of high school for my USA readers), clicked easily, and were buddies from then on, sharing wild parties and many a drunken gathering together. Sadly, she moved to Durban mid-way through highschool, I was able to see her once after that, and then she moved back to the UK. I keep in touch with her regularly through Facebook, and she’s doing some pretty inspiring work as a special-needs care-giver, while studying nursing. She’s amazing and one of the most outrageous-yet-compassionate person I know!

The next friend saw me through mid-Std 8 to the end of Std 9. This friendship was a close and intense one, as we shared many of life’s Firsts together. We spent a lot of time together, partying hard, sharing, & experiencing. We shared details on our love lives with each other, gave and sought advice, and generally just had the closeness that best friends do at the blossoming age of 17. We were so similar it was scary, and a more perfect match you couldnt find. This friendship brutely came to an end when she crossed the line that no best friend should ever cross: dating the ex (behind my back). The loss of this friendship still hurts, though I see neither of them anymore. After many years of resentment, I have finally forgiven them.

My final friendship has been with a friend I met online on an international rat forum (thanks, Christy!). The friendship was destined to succeed as we both had an insane love of rats, and shared many a happy PM about torpedoes and raisins. Eventually we realised we stayed a mere 20 min from each other and decided to meet at my birthday dinner at Blowfish, on condition she failed her drivers test that day (if she passed, she’d go partying). Well, Fate intervened and she failed (yay me!) so she met me and my friends for sushi dinner. Alas, its almost certain she too will move on one day as her study visa for South Africa will expire some day (she’s Estonian), and once again I’ll be alone.

After all these curveballs Fate has thrown my way, it was only natural for me to turn to online friends. They’ll never really leave. And I guess on some level there is some security that if they did, its ok because we never really met in real life (or met that often). Believe it or not, I’m an overly-friendly person (which can be my downfall at times when people arent used to it) and I try make friends wherever I go. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt. Sometimes I’m overly sensitive when a friendship attempt doesnt work out, and I’m left wondering where it was that I failed, but lately I’m loving myself more and more, and am coming to the conclusion that at this stage in my life, if you dont like me as I am, then it just will never work. Plain and simple. All my life I’ve tried to change who I am to be who I thought people would want me to be. As a result I’ve missed out on finding out who I really am, and I believe this is the root of my competitiveness. That feeling of trying to keep-up-with-the-Joneses. I used to put myself out and change my plans to suit other people, but as I get older, I find myself less likely to do so, and with less regrets and guilt.

I’m feeling more and more content with who I am and I’m proud of myself. Its been a long road, filled with lonely times and heartbreak, and although my mind shouts, “Loser!!” at me while I type, my heart tells me I am who I am and its ok.

Its ok. *content smile*