Figuratively, of course.
I ask myself this question more and more lately: why are there still lecherous men in 2021?!
I personally have had more than enough of my own experience with men like this and after a while, as a woman, you start blaming yourself. It’s hard not to. Society already does for the most part.
I mean, you are the common denominator…right?
Surely all men wouldn’t keep acting this way if you weren’t leading them on….right?
And over the years I believed that wholeheartedly. And sure, I wasn’t blameless. However, the men who were older than me should have known better, at the very least.
So let’s talk about these lecherous men.
First, there’s the guy who’s known me since I was +-6yo. He’s seen me grow up. And he’s creeped me out for as long as I can remember. This is sad because otherwise, he’s just another nice guy (see how women instinctively feel bad for acknowledging someone makes them uncomfortable – jfc, do men even have this problem?)
Now, the first complication is that I have no proof. And this is where most of my rage stems from. I have no proof. I cannot confront. I cannot easily rectify this situation for myself. Just putting that out there. The guy might be totally innocent but given everything put together, in hindsight, it doesn’t look so.
You’re just imagining things.
So when I was around 13/14yo I noticed that this family friend would always have his phone out when he came over during the day. And it wasn’t just having your phone out, head down, typing away. No, it was phone up, casually pointed in my direction. I commented on it once or twice and got a noncommital reply fobbing it off.
So maybe it was innocent, and just the way he holds his phone.
Fast forward to me in my thirties. I was going through a rough time in my life for a few years and during that time I turned to drugs. This family friend showed “concern” and made it a regular thing to take me to dinner every few months to catch up.
I was high most of the time we were together, and we were drinking. Not making excuses, just setting the scene.
You get off to what now?
After spending some time together, the Whatsapp chats got a bit more explicit and a few things were revealed. A normal fetish here and there but the one that struck me cold was that he favoured girls around the age of, yes you guessed correctly, 14.
Suddenly all those times I remembered him with his cellphone camera out came rushing back.
And this time they made sense. I wasn’t wrong. He’s just another one of the many lecherous men out there. Why am I surprised anymore?
But, where’s the proof?
And yet, because I have no proof, I still feel I cannot confidently say that I wasn’t wrong. I typed it, yes, but I deleted it a few times trying to find a better way to word it. But the truth is, I should trust my instinct. I didn’t imagine his camera following me around the kitchen.
And it grosses me out that he might still have videos of me when I was 14 and that he might even still look at them.
The next guy is a family friend who goes alongside an uncle of mine.
They’re the huggers.
But we’ll talk about the rest in Part 2 which will be available soon. Hope you enjoyed reading my thoughts. If you have any thoughts or would like to share your experience then please leave a comment. I’ll try to reply wherever possible.